Overtired and too much caffeine (So much for sleep...)

This little voice just won't shut up. It keeps asking why I'm killing myself over this project. I don't hold any significant shares. I'm not paid a CTO's salary (heck, I'm not paid a developer's salary come to that). Why am I up half the night working out sales pitches that someone else didn't feel like producing? Why am I the only one worrying about limiting expenses and planning backup strategies?

These little voices are dangerous. They're the same little voices that wind up making my relationships brittle (well, some of them). I have a (bad) habit of ignoring these voices until the day when I finally realise that I can't ignore them at all... at which point the result tends to surprise the people around me considerably.

Same thing happened with my relationship with the Bahá'í Faith. For years these little voices kept pointing out problems with the cosmology. They kept pointing at simpler, more obvious explanations, until one day the little block that was keeping me from listening broke and I realised I hadn't believed in a very long time.

It used to be that I had people with whom to discuss those things. Back in university I had 5 different people who were "in my head" as it were. Now, basically none. Lots of people who share interests and will discuss ideas, philosophies and observations. But no-one with whom I tend to share emotional realities.

More navel-gazing... should have spent this time producing something useful for the world I suppose. Guess I'll try to sleep again. Maybe I'll wake up less annoyed with myself.


Comments are closed.


Pingbacks are closed.