A few poems transcribed while waiting for the family (Old notebooks with bad poetry...)
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4 new poems up on the texts page. Just some things I wrote on the way to the UU meeting this week. Oh, and one more from this morning.
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x on 11/17/2004 11:55 a.m. #
Now that's using subway rides to good effect! I like the short ones especially. Well phrased. Packed. The long one is pretty good too. I'd perhaps (i apologise in advance for the quibble) challenge the tone of a few words. Specifically, the overall tone is fairly casual (not entirely, but to noticeable extent), but a couple of words stand out (to me) as somewhat distractingly grandiloquent (i may overstate slightly!). The words (in their respective contexts) I question are: succour and assail. I might almost have included dram: but i don't (while a somewhat archaic word it is used colloquially enough). It's not so much the actual two words listed in and of themselves, but in the phrasing in which they are used... seem a bit too highly flown if you know what i mean. <br />
Of course, just my subjective opinion; you may or may not consider.<br />
Mike Fletcher on 11/17/2004 11:24 p.m. #
Actually, the long one (about which you were complaining, "A Woman Once Took Issue") is not one of the four from the subway, it's an older piece I posted long ago to the blog but only put into the texts collection now (well, after this post went up).<br />
I'm not at all happy with that particular poem. As you note, the tone is all jumbled. I feel like there are two poems there that should likely be pulled apart; one about the loneliness itself, the other about the woman's scorn for my emotion.
x on 11/19/2004 11:27 a.m. #
It's hard to know what is what on that page. Just lists of titles... i clicked the first, it was old. So i clicked the last. It wasn't. So i thought i'd clicked 4 back from the bottom... anyhow, that's neither here nor there.<br />
Mike Fletcher on 11/19/2004 1:53 p.m. #
Yeah, yeah, should fix that one of these days I suppose... sigh.